I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize