she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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