Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
