I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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