Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
