I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
