He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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