How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
