remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
