planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
