I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
