i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i believe in u and ur pee
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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