I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
