You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
