I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
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