He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
