look no pants
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
