dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
