3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
