I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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