I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
