Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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