Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
