when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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