If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
