I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
