Porn is love you can see.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
