i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
