Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
