Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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