I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
