Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
