Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
