I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
