hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
