I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
