I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
