i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize