hotel room ftw
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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