i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They have beer where we have blood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
