WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
