I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
