2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
third nipple confirmed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
