I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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