The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
