Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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