I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize