Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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