i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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