toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We just shotgunned beers for America
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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