let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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