I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
