So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
