So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize