Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
