the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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