Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
