You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
